Should You Forgive A Cheater? 8 Factors To Consider

Imagine this: Your partner cheated on you with a coworker. You came to know about it much later. They claim that they ended the affair but needed to come clean. And beg for your forgiveness. But you still can’t come to terms with the situation. You keep wondering should you forgive a cheater? Can you, really? Is it weak to forgive someone for cheating? How does one decide when to walk away after infidelity? Are you confused about the equation between cheating and forgiveness?

Well, there are no easy or straightforward answers to these questions. You see, cheating can be of many sorts, emotional or sexual, for instance. The impact of cheating on a relationship can depend on its nature, to a large extent. Factors like the state of your own relationship, how much you have at stake, and your partner’s remorse for betraying your trust also determine whether or not forgiveness after infidelity is an appropriate choice.

What’s important is to know whether you’re ready to forgive and go back to your partner or move on without them. In this article, we will get a low-down on the pros and cons of forgiving a cheating partner and the factors to consider while forgiving a cheater. With the help of our expert relationship counselor Ruchi Ruuh (Postgraduate Diploma in Counseling Psychology), we’ll also look into a few tips to deal with such a situation. So, if you’re wrestling with the dilemma, “Can you forgive someone who cheated on you?”, let’s begin…

Cheating And Forgiveness: Pros And Cons To Consider

Well, before we dig deeper into the answers to the question, how do you forgive someone for cheating, let’s begin by the impact of cheating on the betrayed partner. Ruchi says, “Cheating, be it financial, emotional, or sexual, brings in an emotionally charged reaction. The one who’s cheated on becomes very confused, trying to grapple with the betrayal, hurt, and trauma. Plus, their self-esteem goes for a toss.”

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Thinking about forgiveness after infidelity can be hard. While there may be a desire to forgive one’s partner, especially if it has been a long-term relationship, there’s also a desire to protect oneself from harm. Ruchi feels, “Cheating and forgiveness aren’t a good match. When you’re trying to determine should you forgive a cheater, it’s important to remember that there’s no need to rush the process. One should let forgiveness come at its own pace.” She also points out the pros and cons to consider when contemplating forgiveness after infidelity:

Pros of forgiving a cheater Cons of forgiving a cheater
2. One of the possible advantages of forgiving a cheater can be an opportunity for trust-building and of strengthening communication. While partners go through tension, forgiving offers an avenue to repair the relationship and understand what it needs 1. Forgiving can always be a risk, as there’s no guarantee that the cheater will change their ways and not cheat again. When someone’s trying to rebuild the relationship, another case of cheating may lead to further hurt and betrayal
2. One of the possible advantages of forgiving a cheater can be an opportunity for trust-building and strengthening communication. While partners go through tension, forgiving offers an avenue to repair the relationship and understand what it needs 2. A lot of people don’t forgive their cheating partners because they don’t want to be emotionally vulnerable in front of the very person who’s hurt them. The fear of being hurt makes them avoid talking about their weaknesses
3. It can lead to personal growth. Forgiving a cheater also allows for introspection and a greater awareness of your own needs. The compassionate and empathetic experience can also lead to spiritual growth. Those who had been ignoring themselves before start investing in their own growth when they decide to forgive their cheating partners 3. There’s always scope for loss of self-respect. When someone is rushing to forgive their cheating spouse, it may be an act of betrayal to themselves. So, while they forgive or pretend to forgive their cheating partners, on many occasions, they don’t actually forgive and feel inadequate within.
4. When you let go of the grudges and resentment, the conflict dissipates, and harmony seeps in. 

Now, forgiving a repeated offender may not be a good thing, but if your partner genuinely is trying to make amends and is apologetic, it may be a good decision to forgive and reduce the conflict

4. Forgiving doesn’t erase the root cause. Without acknowledging the real issues, or sitting down, talking, and resolving them, forgiveness has no meaning. 

For instance, if someone cheated because they weren’t feeling emotionally supported at home, forgiveness after your partner’s infidelity alone is not enough to bring the relationship back on track

Should You Forgive A Cheater? 8 Factors To Consider

Is it weak to forgive someone for cheating? How do you forgive someone for cheating if you’re sure they will cheat again? Is your relationship worth saving? And how can you forgive a cheater if they’re a long-term spouse? More importantly, should you? Here’s what a Reddit user had to say about whether they would forgive a cheater, “In a long-term relationship, yes. Sh*t happens and sometimes communication breaks down. But I’m not gonna walk away from a 12-year relationship if she’s willing to cop to it and wants to talk about how to fix it.”

So, if you’re still undecided on whether to forgive your cheating spouse and are confused about how to go about it, read on. And before we get to the tips on forgiving a cheater, first let’s find out what factors you should consider before you decide to let go of the hurt and betrayal and embrace harmony. Ruchi helps us with a few factors that one should think over before answering the question, should you forgive a cheater? So, if you’re wondering when to walk away after infidelity and when to hold on, or are confused about how to forgive a cheating partner, read on:

Related Reading: What Is Not Cheating In A Relationship? These 10 Things

1. The extent of the betrayal

Taking back a cheater needs a lot of thought. Is it a financial, sexual, or emotional betrayal that your partner has put you through? Ruchi says, “It’s crucial to note your definition of somebody disrespecting your boundaries of fidelity and gauge the damage realistically.” So, instead of getting swayed by an apology, try and weigh the extent of the harm done and then proceed. This is exactly what to do when your partner cheats on you.

2. Is the apology genuine?

How can you forgive a cheater who’s not true to their intentions? Ruchi says, “In order to be forgiven, your partner has to be genuinely remorseful. Forgive them only if they’re committed to changing their behavior and are taking responsibility in the relationship.” Here’s what you should not tolerate:

  • They make you feel bad about your reactions
  • They gaslight you into believing you misunderstood them
  • They put the blame on you
  • There’s no true willingness to change their ways
Before you forgive a cheater, you need to check if they’re genuinely apologetic

3. Their cheating history

So, should you stay with a cheater? It’s very important to consider the history of cheating behavior if you’re considering making the relationship work. Ruchi says, one should ask the following questions:

  • Does your partner have a consistent pattern of cheating on you?
  • Is this a one-time mistake?
  • Have you always ended up forgiving them in the past?

She adds, “If cheating on you is part of a larger pattern, it needs to be understood that it’s time to let go.” Can you forgive a cheater who is habituated to cheating? Definitely, not!

Related Reading: Trust Issues – 10 Signs You Find It Difficult To Trust Anyone

4. Has there been a communication break?

A lot of people withdraw into a shell after a cheating incident. But what they don’t realize is that forgiving in such cases requires a lot of healthy communication. Ruchi says, “Partners need to have a lot of information on each other to decide whether to stay or move on.

“For instance, how the cheating incident has impacted the romantic relationship between the two of you. One must understand that feeling comfortable with each other is a very important part of forgiveness. You will need to understand their point of view and make them understand yours. This however doesn’t mean that you should let complacency rule the relationship.”

5. Do you have a solid support system?

Ruchi says, “Your friends, family, and relationship therapists can help you a lot in dealing with your partner’s infidelity.” Should you stay with a cheater? The answer isn’t simple. In fact, forgiveness, in such cases, shouldn’t be rushed. One should be able to take into consideration multiple points of view (that of your close friends or your counselor) to reach a decision.

Related Reading: We Both Have Trust Issues In Our Relationship And Don’t Know What To Do

6. What does your gut feeling say?

At times, you should trust your gut feeling. Ruchi says, “You will eventually know when to forgive them when you listen to the emotional and physical responses in our system.” Ask yourself if it’s right or wrong or if you’re ready to forgive at all. This is what to do when your partner cheats on you.

7. Are there healthy boundaries in your romantic relationship?

Ruchi says, “Healthy boundaries are very important and should be a crucial factor in your decision of whether to forgive your partner.” For instance:

  • If you’ve asked them for time away, to focus on yourself, meet other people, and focus on self-care, and they’re not ready to give you that, consider not forgiving them
  • If they’re coaxing you into forgiveness, that too is a red flag
  • Cheaters often come back (call it cheaters’ karma) but are still not respectful of your needs. That again is a situation where you shouldn’t forgive them

Related Reading: 5 Women Reveal Why They Have Forgiven Their Cheating Husbands

8. Your own feelings

Taking back a cheater needs a lot of introspection. Ruchi says, “It’s important to reflect on your own feelings, needs, and values.” So, ask yourself questions, such as:

  • What does this forgiveness mean to you?
  • What are your expectations from this act of forgiveness?
  • Are you extending your values or compromising on your moral compass by forgiving them?
Taking back a cheater
Taking back a cheater is tough

For instance, one of my friends, Trish, was shocked to learn about her husband’s emotional affair with a coworker. They had no sexual contact, not even sexting, but often exchanged normal messages about their lives, at odd hours. While Trish’s value system said this was a major act of cheating, as she valued emotional loyalty, her husband believed this wasn’t a big deal. So, their values clashed. Forgiveness in such a situation isn’t the best bet.

How To Forgive A Cheating Partner: 7 Expert-Backed Tips

So, you’ve decided you wish to forgive your cheating spouse. But the big question now is how. Forgiveness doesn’t come easy in the wake of infidelity. On this, a Reddit user has a very simple logic, “I wish I could tell you how to forgive, but I don’t know the answer. Just remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean staying with or forgetting — forgiveness is powerful for yourself, that way you stop holding on to the anger and resentment. I forgave my husband the first time and moved forward, though things were never the same. 6 years later, he did it again but way worse.”

Related Reading: When Forgiving An Affair Stopped Me From Killing Myself

As you can see, the road to forgiveness after infidelity can be fraught with doubts, insecurities, and the fear of having to live through the same nightmare again. However, if you do wish to walk this road and give your relationship another chance, there are ways of forgiving a cheating spouse truly. Ruchi helps us with 7 actionable tips on how to forgive a cheating partner:

1. Feel your emotions

So, how do you forgive someone for cheating? Ruchi advises, “Allow yourself to feel and process the range of negative emotions, be it anger, sadness, or dejection. Ignoring those feelings is a huge mistake and can get in the way of your decision to forgive your cheating partner.” This is because sorting your emotions out is the first thing you should do before making such a major decision of mending your broken relationship.

To process your emotions, you can try:

  • Journaling
  • Talking
  • Opting for therapy
what to do when your partner cheats on
To forgive a cheater, you need to process your negative emotions

2. Engage in honest communication

So, can you forgive someone who cheated on you? Definitely, yes. But you need to be able to communicate with them, honestly and openly. Ruchi feels, “Fearless and open communication is the best tip to go through this extremely difficult phase of forgiving after cheating.” So, you can talk about:

  • How it impacted you
  • What you need to do to move on
  • Where your partner is in terms of moving on
  • What are your goals, values, and perspectives, and where they clash with your partner’s

Related Reading: Confessions Of Five Women Who Say, “My Husband Cheated But I Feel Guilty”

3. Establish boundaries

How do you forgive someone for cheating if they don’t care about how you feel? Forgiveness is only helpful if it helps you feel more respected and valued. Ruchi says, “The only way forgiving a cheater can make you feel good is if your boundaries are respected. You need to communicate clear and healthy boundaries if you think the relationship is worth fighting for.”

Here’s what some boundaries look like:

  • Setting the standards of communication: Make it clear that they need to respond to your calls and texts, and be available for a healthy conversation when needed
  • Being clear about the level of transparency: Make it clear if you want them to stop texting their exes or random strangers on social media. Share passwords or social media messages, if needed
  • Arriving at a mutually agreed-upon definition of fidelity: What’s your definition of fidelity and what do you consider cheating as? Is that what your partner thinks too? Talk and set some boundaries

4. Seek professional help

Rebuilding trust is a key component of deciphering how to forgive a cheating partner. However, it’s not easy, especially if you’re doing it by yourself. That’s why seeking professional help and going into therapy is always the best option when you’re clueless about how to forgive a cheating spouse and are worried about your mental health.

Related Reading: 20 Shocking Things Cheaters Say When Confronted

Ruchi says, “A neutral third party, especially a professional relationship therapist or counselor, can always offer valuable insight if you’re wondering how to forgive a cheating partner. Apart from the support, they offer a safe space to gain perspective during the healing process. So, go ahead and opt for couples counseling.” So, if you need help working through the blow of infidelity and finding a path to forgiveness, don’t hesitate to reach out to Bonobology’s counseling services.

5. Focus on the present

Yes, we get it! It’s hard to move on from a cheating incident and let go of the past. How long does it take to forgive someone for cheating? Months, or maybe years! Thoughts may keep coming back to you. What if you face a similar situation again? To counter this, Ruchi advises, “If you’re planning to forgive your partner, focus on the present and make an effort to move forward together, without dwelling on the past. That’s the only way this is going to work.”

6. Practice self-care

Ruchi says, “A lot of times, people give up things they enjoy when they feel betrayed in a relationship. But healthy emotional and physical well-being is very important if you wish to forgive your partner.” So, try these tips of self-care and self-discovery:

  • Exercise
  • Hang out with friends
  • Take up a new hobby or practice one you had forgotten about
  • Take long walks
  • Go on a holiday

Most importantly, do whatever makes you feel good about yourself and understand yourself better, helps you take care of your mental health, or speeds up the forgiveness process. This way, you’ll be able to go through challenges effectively.

on cheating

7. Be patient

How long does it take to forgive someone for cheating? Ruchi says, “The healing process isn’t linear. It takes years and sometimes, even a lifetime, for people to forgive their cheating partners. At times, they can’t even forgive completely.” So, remember, forgiveness takes time and patience. Don’t rush. Be gentle and heal at your own pace. Don’t shame or pressure yourself. Honor your own pace of forgiving.

Key Pointers

  • Some pros of forgiving a cheater are personal growth, release of the emotional burden, and the opportunity to build a healthy relationship
  • Some cons of forgiving a cheater include a lack of guarantee that it won’t happen again, the emotional vulnerability of the cheated partner, and the scope for loss of self-esteem
  • Should you forgive a cheater? Some factors to consider when deciding if you should forgive a cheater are your feelings, the genuineness of the apology, and your support system
  • Some tips to forgive a cheating partner are establishing boundaries, practicing self-care, and being patient

Though cheating and forgiveness aren’t the best pair, we hope you now know the answers to questions such as, “Can you forgive a cheater?” If you’re experiencing infidelity, remember, at the end of the day, what matters is whether you’re fine with your decision of forgiving your cheating spouse and if you’re ready to rebuild trust. Nobody else, neither your friends nor your therapist, can decide it for you because you know yourself the best. 

So, go ahead, make that call! But make sure you aren’t putting up with abuse or bad behavior. This is when to walk away after infidelity. Reach out to people who can help. And don’t hesitate to end things if you’ve reached a dead end. We hope this article helped you decide if you should let go or forgive your partner. Either way, here’s to moving forward.

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Ask Our Expert

How To Find Peace After Being Cheated On — 9 Tips From A Therapist

Picture this: you’ve just found out that your husband cheated on you with his coworker while you were pregnant last year. And you’re down in the dumps, trying to salvage what remains of your relationship. You’re hurt and devastated. One moment you feel like forgiving your husband and making peace with the situation, while the next, you feel like cutting ties with him and teaching him a lesson for having an affair behind your back. It’s totally normal to feel clueless about what to do and how to find peace after being cheated on! 

And you’ve come to the right place if you’re going through such turmoil. In this article, we will look at the effects of being cheated on and will find out how you can deal with this situation. Relationship counselor Dhriti Bhavsar (Master’s degree in Psychology, with specialization in Clinical Psychology), who is an expert in relationship, breakup, and LGBTQ counseling, will help us explore ways to make peace with being cheated on. So, should you forgive a cheater? Well, let’s delve deeper to understand…

Related Reading: We Were Engaged To Be Married But My Fiancée Cheated On Me

The Effects Of Being Cheated On

So, what does being cheated on feel like? And how hard can it get for people who still love their cheating spouse or partner? Does it make a man feel emasculated? How does a woman feel after being cheated on? Here’s what a Reddit user has to say about his experience: “I’ve been cast as the husband that his wife cheated on him and left for another man. I didn’t want to play this part, but here I am, cast as the lead. Everything is washed out and grey, if I could sleep all day I would. I dread getting up, it always starts with the reality of the situation, the intrusive thoughts and images. Infidelity takes a great toll on the betrayed, I marvel at those that can rebuild and move on.”

Before we explore how to find peace after being cheated on, let’s find out how cheating affects those at the receiving end. Our expert Dhriti has enumerated a few effects of being cheated on, based on her interactions with her clients. Here they go:

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1. It lowers self-esteem

Being cheated on lowers the self-esteem of a person to a great extent. Dhriti says, “You may find yourself questioning what you lacked or did wrong in the relationship, eventually leading to questioning your self-worth.” So, in such cases, you may start doubting:

  • Your commitment to the relationship
  • Your looks 
  • Your intelligence
  • Your sexual prowess
  • Your financial status

This is how infidelity affects a woman as well as a man.

2. It alters your ability to trust

So, how does a woman feel after being cheated on? What does a man go through when he is cheated on? Dhriti says, “Being cheated on makes you question not just your partner but your own judgment too (and even of other people around you). You begin wondering, “If the one person I trusted so much could do this to me, how can I trust others to not do the same thing?” It also breaks you completely to know that your trust was taken advantage of. And you may deal with the fear of being cheated on again.” 

So, you may end up becoming a bitter person, with no ability to trust someone. Besides, mental health issues such as anxiety and cheating go hand in hand. So, you may go through extreme triggers after being cheated on whenever you face a situation where you need to trust someone. 

Related Reading: 22 Sure Signs Of A Cheating Girlfriend

3. You may develop anger and bitterness

Dhriti believes, “When someone cheats on you, there is a sense of unfairness over something so painful happening to you. And that naturally leads to resentment toward the person causing that pain (and also toward yourself, for giving them the power to cause you pain). Eventually, it turns to bitterness and is manifested as a mix of anger and deep sadness, the two most common effects of being cheated on. 

And we agree that this is how infidelity affects a woman or a man. A Reddit user had a similar experience: “I want to get past the bitterness/anger that sits in me from finding out some of his infidelities. But I think it is the unknown of how many infidelities he has and whatnot that fuels the anger/bitterness that sits inside me like burning embers waiting to take flame again. I hate being angry. It is so tiring.”

4. You’re thrown into uncertainty

One of the worst effects of the pain of infidelity is that the partner who’s been cheated on is pushed into uncertainty. Dhriti explains, “You lose the security and safety that you once felt with your partner. You go from knowing what tomorrow will look like and planning for it, to suddenly having no idea, not knowing what to do or expect.”  This can deal a massive blow to your future plans. So, you may have been:

  • Saving up to celebrate a relationship milestone, and now have to drop the idea
  • Gearing up to buy a new house together and now have to take a step back
  • Preparing to leave your job to take care of the kids, and now may have to rethink your plan

Related Reading: Top 11 Hollywood Movies About Cheating In A Relationship

5. You feel immense mental pain

Studies have shown time and again how breakups are hard and almost always lead to negative thoughts and a feeling of going through real physical pain. And in case you’ve separated from your spouse after being cheated on, the feeling is exactly the same.

Dhriti says, “We’re hardwired for attachment, and losing this attachment is often extremely painful because our brain reacts to this pain in a similar way to how it reacts to physical pain. It’s a loss of connection, attachment, validation, and security. These triggers after being cheated on cause a lot of psychological pain.” 

9 Therapist-Recommended Tips On How To Find Peace After Being Cheated On

So, now that you know how being cheated on feels like and what repercussions it can have, are you wondering how to find peace after being cheated on? And should you forgive a cheater? And what happens after the initial shock wears off? 

Here’s how a Reddit user explains she got over being cheated on: “…there were heartbreaks in my past from cheating, leaving me for others, and even violence, that I never thought in a million years I would ever get over. But I did. And it faded over time. What helps me is researching WHY people cheat, and realizing the issue is within THEM. It’s not about the other person being better or more suited, or about you not being enough. Heck, a lot of times the person who is cheated on is better objectively in so many ways compared to the one their partner cheats with. I know it’s not great to compare, but sometimes it does help to see that.” 

Related Reading: He Cheated On Me But Wants Me To Take Him Back

Everyone’s way of coping with a blow as severe as infidelity can be different. There’s no one-size-fits-all mantra that works for all when it comes to figuring out how to deal with being cheated on. There isn’t any magic potion either. What works for one person may not work for another. However, adopting certain healthy practices to work through the pain can help. Dhriti offers us nine such tips that help you make headway in your quest to figure out how to find peace after being cheated on:

1. Allow yourself to experience all your negative emotions

Dhriti feels, “It’s crucial to express freely whatever negative thoughts or emotions are coming up for you, in a safe space and in a healthy manner. Many people suffer unnecessarily because they believe they “should” be feeling a certain way and not how they’re actually feeling. Well, every emotion carries meaning, so lean into your emotions rather than running away from them.”

Healing after being cheated on is never easy

While you may be encouraged by friends or relatives to shove your emotions under the carpet, do give yourself the time and space to feel all that you’re feeling. Give yourself permission to feel angry, feel sad, feel embarrassed. This will help you take the first step toward figuring out how to find peace after being cheated on.

2. Set boundaries

If you’re still clueless about how to deal with being cheated on, this can be a great solution. Before you decide on the ‘should you forgive a cheater’ question, work on setting firm boundaries. Dhriti says, “It’s important to recognize your needs and boundaries and then firmly establish them with your partner.” Forgiving a cheater also requires you to let them know what you’re not okay with. This is how to deal with being cheated on if you wish to continue the relationship:

  • You can set a boundary for personal space, asking to stay in separate rooms or away from each other till you come to a resolution
  • You can ask for complete clarity or closure, asking them to explain why they did what they did before you take a step forward
  • You can ask for great transparency in the relationship, letting your partner know you won’t accept any more lies and secrets 

Related Reading: 7 Things That Help You Heal Post A Breakup

3. Avoid self-blame

It’s very natural in these troubled times to blame yourself for:

  • Not being good in bed
  • Not decking up to look good
  • Not listening to their rants 

You can end up blaming yourself and indulging in negative self-talk for your partner’s cheating ways. Dhriti says, “Avoid falling into the spiral of blaming yourself. It is likely that there were already trust issues in the relationship before the cheating partner inflicted the pain of infidelity on their partner. It’s important to differentiate between taking accountability for some issue and taking blame for the cheating.” Remember, cheating is a choice.

4. Don’t rush into making a decision

Forgiving a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend is not easy and it certainly won’t happen overnight. So, remember, there’s no need for you to make a decision right away. If you’re still wondering, “Should I stay with a cheater or leave?”, Dhriti advises, “Avoid making a decision in haste, or out of anger or fear. Give yourself some time to process your emotions before you take your next step.” This way, you’ll also be able to find the root cause of this infidelity, which, in turn, makes it easier to decipher how to find peace after being cheated on.

Related Reading: 8 Ways To Reconnect After A Big Fight

5.  Rely on your support system

Healing after being cheated on may not be easy but spending time with your inner circle helps you a lot in this phase. Dhriti says, “It’s absolutely necessary to have a social support system around you. This should include people who make you feel safe and cared for. It could also be your internal support system: things and activities that bring you joy, fulfillment, and connection. So, go ahead and:

  • Talk to your best friend or your family
  • Go for a rejuvenating solo trip or take a trip with your besties
  • Hit the gym or take up a hobby, such as painting, sports, or gardening
  • Read the latest book by your favorite author

6. Reach out for professional help

If all else fails, reach out to a professional therapist or relationship counselor. Dhriti says, “A licensed therapist can help you target the specific areas that prevent moving on and make healing after a breakup due to infidelity easy for you. They can work through the pain in a healthy and effective manner.” 

Related Reading: Personal Space In A Relationship Holds It Together

Be aware that mental health ailments like anxiety and cheating go hand in hand. Sometimes, people even slip into depression after being cheated on. That’s why it’s vital to prioritize looking after your mental health. You can consider going into couples therapy or opt for individual therapy. If you are considering getting help, don’t hesitate to reach out to Bonobology’s counseling services.

7. Be mindful of what gnaws at your self-worth

Dhriti says, “Your partner’s infidelity says more about them than about you. It is important to preserve your sense of self-worth and not fret about what people will think of you.” There are chances that you may suffer from post-infidelity stress disorder, so it’s crucial that you don’t internalize the cheating. Instead of giving in to that little voice in your head that says you’re responsible for this, shut it down by being strong. This is one of the main steps if you’re wondering how to find peace after being cheated on.

forgiving a cheater
forgiving a cheater

8. Let go

It’s important to be able to let go of certain things, whether you’re forgiving a cheater or moving away from the relationship. If your partner cheated on you remorselessly, try letting it go and focus on yourself instead. Dhriti suggests, “Work toward acceptance and letting go. Be patient with yourself in this process and remember that letting go is a choice you make for the sake of your own peace. It is not something you owe to someone. If you don’t feel ready for it, you don’t need to force it. However, acceptance of the event is crucial in order for you to move on from it.”

Related Reading: 10 Signs Of A Healthy Relationship

9. Indulge in acts of self-care and self-love

Before going ahead with forgiving someone who cheated, a lot of inner work is required. Remember to take care of your own self. Healing after being cheated on takes a lot of self-care. Dhriti says, “Personal development and self-care activities are absolutely necessary at this stage, especially when you don’t want to indulge in them. Ironically, it is when we don’t feel like taking care of ourselves when we need self-care the most.” She suggests a few ways of coping with the triggers after being cheated on, and they include taking care of:

  • Basic physiological needs: Get enough sleep and follow a healthy and balanced diet. Avoid junk food or emotional eating
  • Safety and security needs: Make sure you’re staying at a safe place. Move out of your home if you feel you aren’t comfortable staying with a cheater or you feel you’re being engulfed by depression after being cheated on
  • Belongingness needs: Make sure you establish connections with others around you

What To Do When You Get Cheated On — Stay Or Leave?

So, now that you know how to find peace after being cheated on, we’ll come to your next question, “Should you forgive a cheater?” More importantly, do relationships work after cheating? Dhriti believes, “The decision of staying with a cheater or leaving after a relationship is a deeply personal one. That is because every relationship is unique, as are the people that make up that relationship. Hence, there is no prescribed right or wrong answer to this question.” 

Related Reading: When My Wife Cheated On Me, I Decided To Show More Love

However, she thinks you need to consider a few things before you make the decision regarding what to do when you get cheated on. So, ask yourself these questions if you’re wondering, “Should I stay with a cheater?”

  • Is your partner remorseful for their actions and genuine in their apologies?
  • Is your partner able to take accountability for their actions?
  • Do you feel that you have it in you to trust them again? Or will the fear of being cheated on always loom large?
  • What will it take in order for you to recover? 
  • Can your partner provide what you need to get back in the relationship or will your bond turn into a more toxic relationship?

To help you with making a mature and well-informed decision, we’ve collated some points to highlight the pros and cons of both staying with a cheater and leaving.

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The pros and cons of staying

Forgiving someone who cheated on you mercilessly is not going to be easy. But you should weigh both the pros and cons in this case:

The pros of staying The cons of staying
You’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried. It will take a lot of work, time, and patience to overcome this. Rebuilding trust is not easy.
Your relationship can come out stronger on the other end of this, with both of you understanding yourselves and each other better. You might continue to have doubts for a very long time to come.
It can be a wake-up call for addressing the problems in your relationship. The fear of being cheated on again lingers.
In some cases, couples can emerge stronger from the blow of infidelity It can lead to a dip in self-esteem if not handled carefully.

The pros and cons of leaving

If you think the answer to, “Do relationships work after cheating?”, is a resounding ‘no’ and are thinking of leaving your cheating spouse, well, here are some pros and cons of such a decision:

The pros of leaving  The cons of leaving 
You regain self-respect. Leaving such a toxic relationship sends a very clear message about what you will not tolerate You may go through emotional turmoil. There can be a lot of grief, pain, and doubt that comes with ending a relationship, despite how good or bad it was.
You have the freedom to explore other options and invest time and energy in yourself. There’s uncertainty about your future, and where to go from here can cause you more pain.
You get to focus on personal growth, as you learn to heal by yourself. You end up second-guessing and are engulfed by a sense of loneliness.
You can walk away from the relationship feeling better about yourself. You may have practical concerns, such as financial issues, co-parenting concerns, societal or religious pressures, and the problem of having similar social circles.

Key Pointers

  • Some of the effects of being cheated on are low self-esteem, uncertainty, and mental pain
  • A few therapist-recommended tips to deal with this situation are avoiding self-blame, setting boundaries, consulting licensed therapists and going for couples counseling, and relying on your support system
  • One needs to weigh the pros and cons of both the options of staying or leaving the relationship

Now that you’ve read our article, we hope you’ve gained valuable insights into the effects of being cheated on, the ways to deal with being cheated on, and the pros and cons of staying or leaving a relationship after being cheated on. Remember, it’s easy to blame a situation and quit, but it takes guts to stay back and rebuild trust. 

With that being said, it is also crucial to take note of any sense of disrespect or toxicity within the relationship. Once you feel your relationship is beyond repair, feel free to disengage. Get into a new relationship, if need be. But do it out of your own free will. Moving forward is necessary for your growth and peace.

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Is My Boyfriend Cheating on Me? Quiz

That nagging suspicion, the pit in your stomach – the fear that your boyfriend might be seeing someone behind your back can leave you restless. Trust, once broken, is hard to rebuild, and navigating the emotional turmoil of infidelity can be overwhelming.

This quiz, designed by a relationship counselor with extensive experience helping couples navigate the aftermath of infidelity knows all the signs that your boyfriend is cheating. Have you been plagued by thoughts like “I think my boyfriend is cheating” or “Did my boyfriend cheat on me?”? Ignoring your gut instinct is not a good idea.

This quiz will guide you to explore common behaviors associated with cheating, helping you identify potential red flags you might have missed. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on trust and transparency. While this quiz can’t definitively answer the question “did my boyfriend cheat on me?”, it can tell you whether there is substantial evidence to doubt your boyfriend’s loyalty.

Related Quiz: Is My Partner Cheating On Me? Quiz

Be as honest as you can. The answer to your doubts is only 10 questions away.

Questions

  1. Has your boyfriend been spending more time away from home or making excuses for not being available?
  1. No
  2. Occasionally
  3. Yes

2. Have you noticed any changes in your boyfriend’s behaviour, such as increased secrecy or guardedness with his phone or computer?

  1. No
  2. Occasionally
  3. Yes

3. Has your boyfriend been acting more distant or emotionally unavailable lately?

  1. No
  2. Occasionally
  3. Yes

4. Have you noticed any unexplained expenses or changes in your boyfriend’s financial behaviour?

  1. No
  2. Occasionally
  3. Yes

5. Have you observed any inconsistencies or discrepancies in your boyfriend’s explanations for his whereabouts or activities?

  1. No
  2. Occasionally
  3. Yes

Related Quiz: Gut feeling he is cheating, no proof Quiz

6. Has your boyfriend shown a sudden interest in improving his appearance or grooming habits?

  1. No
  2. Occasionally
  3. Yes

7. Have you caught your boyfriend in any lies or caught him contradicting himself about his activities or interactions?

  1. No
  2. Occasionally
  3. Yes

8. Have you noticed any changes in intimacy with your boyfriend, such as a decrease in intimacy or interest?

  1. No – 1
  2. Occasionally
  3. Yes

9. Have you found any evidence, such as suspicious messages or items, that suggests your boyfriend may be involved with someone else?

  1. No
  2. Occasionally
  3. Yes

10. Have your instincts or intuition been telling you that something is off in your relationship?

  1. No
  2. Occasionally
  3. Yes

Ask Our Expert

How Long Is Too Long Without Sex In A Relationship?

Can a relationship survive without intimacy? Well, imagine this: You’ve been in a long-term romantic relationship and now the spark has fizzled out. You can’t even connect in bedYou hardly even hug or cuddle and end up having no sex for days and you often wonder, “How long is too long without sex in a relationship?”

Sounds familiar? In this article, we offer you clarity on the dynamics of sexual intimacy and explore scenarios where people end up in sexless marriages or relationships for various reasons. With insights from sexologist Dr. Vishal Gor, who specializes in treating sexual dysfunction, we’ll delve deeper into the ‘no sex in relationship anymore’ issue and also look at a few tips to fix the effects of not having sex. So, if you’re one of those who often wonder, “Why won’t my husband have sex with me?”, or complain, “My wife never wants sex”, read on…

How Often Should A Couple Have Sex? 

Often, we’re perplexed about the number of times a couple should have sex. So, does a couple need to have sex daily to make their relationship work? My friend, Ashley, once called me up, frustrated that her husband and she hadn’t had sex in weeks and that he would often cite work pressure to avoid having sex with her. She said, “There’s no sex in our relationship anymore! I am so exhausted. It’s like he has no desire for sex.” 

Soon, she even started suspecting him of having an affair. This led me to think, “How long is too long without sex in a relationship?” and more importantly, “How often should a couple have sex for a relationship to survive?”

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Dr. Gor says, “There is no fixed or right answer to this, as it depends on several factors. And there’s no one-size-fits-all number that can state how often a couple should have sex. What works for one couple may not work for another.” But some factors that dictate how often couples have sex are:

  • Age: With age, sexual frequency between couples can lessen. However, it will be a generalization to think all couples have less sex after a certain age
  • Lifestyle: With the pressure of the hustle culture looming large, people may get busy with their jobs or chores. Late nights at work or the strain of raising kids may take its toll on the sex lives of couples
  • Libido or sex drive: Various factors, such as medical issues or performance anxiety, can prevent couples from having regular sex or result in low libido/sex drive and no desire for sex

Dr. Gor, however, maintains, “In my interactions with clients, I have found that young couples have sex at least once or twice per week, while older couples have sex once a month, or twice at the most.” A 2017 Kinsey Institute study also says the same thing. It states that “…people between the ages of 18 and 29 do it twice a week.” 

A similar study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior stated that married or live-in couples were having sex once a week. So, before you complain, “My wife never wants sex” or lose sleep over the thought, “Why won’t my husband have sex with me?”, think again! You may not be doing that badly.

Sex is extremely important in a relationship

How Long Is Too Long Without Sex In A Relationship?

In a study by the University of Chicago, it was proved that couples who had sex once every week were the happiest. However, the happiness quotient didn’t increase with the sexual frequency beyond once a week. As in, couples who had sex more than once a week weren’t happier than those having it just once a week. 

This probably proves that the answer to how long is too long without sex in a relationship is also perhaps subjective and varies from couple to couple. Dr. Gor too agrees and says, “The answer to this depends on partners and their personal reasons. Most couples believe no sex for 6 months in relationship is too much, especially if they’re committed to each other.” 

Related Reading: I Am Desperate For Sex But I Don’t Want To Do It Without Love

However, some couples may forgo sexual pleasure to stay in different cities and earn a better income. But others may not be able to live without making love even for a week. This is because sexual satisfaction is relative. So, while you will often find some women wondering, “Why won’t my husband have sex with me?”, or men who lose their cool over the ‘wife never wants sex’ scenario, others may be happy with their sexless relationships for years.

Why Is Sex Important In A Relationship? 

Now, we’re not saying sex is the only thing that matters in a long-term romantic relationship. Of course, trust, compatibility, and an intimate connection are prime factors that help sustain a long-term relationship, but sex is the magic ingredient that adds that extra zing to the relationship and keeps it alive. So, if you’re caught in a ‘no sex in relationship anymore’ scenario and feel discontentment over it, you aren’t completely wrong.

Related Reading: 10 Creative Ways To Tell Your Woman That You Want Sex

Here’s what a Reddit user had to say about the importance of sex in her life, “I’m probably in the minority for women to say this, but sex is incredibly important in my life. I am a very sexual person, I enjoy sharing my body with others and most of all I crave the pleasure that comes from sex. Masturbation is a regular part of my life even as a sexually active person, but it wouldn’t be enough for me to get by for long periods of time without sex. I need the physical connection with someone, casual or otherwise.”

So, why is sex important in a relationship? Does it have any scientific benefits? Here’s what Dr. Gor thinks makes sex an absolute necessity in relationships:

1. Sex is good for boosting immunity

Studies have shown that people who have sex once or twice a week have better immune systems than those who don’t. In fact, apparently, sex alters the level of an antigen that protects us from ailments such as cold and flu. This is very similar to kissing bringing in health benefits.

2. Sex plays a major role in improving sleep patterns

Now, this has a lot to do with the hormones released during sex. Studies have shown that sex helps the body release hormones such as oxytocin and dopamine, which eventually lead to relaxation and better sleep. 

Related Reading: How To Get In The Mood For My Husband?

3. Sex helps in lowering stress levels

Research has proved that good sex helps relieve stress and even rids you of relationship anxiety. Apart from lowering blood pressure, sex also helps reduce risks of heart disease and stroke.

4. Sex intensifies the emotional attachment

Dr. Gor says, “Regular sex is a basic requirement for a healthy relationship, as it brings in more relationship satisfaction. It also improves the trust quotient between couples.” Sex helps partners connect emotionally. The cuddling and love hormone, oxytocin, which is associated with physical intimacy and sex, strengthens bonds between couples. This is exactly why we tend to miss our partners when they’re not around. 

Related Reading: 40 Romantic Things To Say To Your Husband

5. It improves self-confidence

Dr. Gor also says, “Sex is a major factor that contributes to a spike in self-esteem levels in people.” So, regular sex brings with it increased confidence levels and makes people perform better at work and other social spheres. It works wonders for those with low self-esteem.

Effects Of Not Having Sex

Do you think you’re getting enough sex? Or do you feel you could do much better or are craving more sex? Are you wondering what not having sex in a relationship can do to your mind and body? Well, just as sex has quite a few scientifically proven advantages, be it in a new relationship or an old one, a clear lack of sex can wreak havoc on your body and cause psychological issues. So, how does this ‘no sex in relationship anymore’ scenario affect you?

Related Reading: Sexual Compatibility – Meaning, Importance And Signs

Sharing his experience of a sexless relationship, a Reddit user says, “I currently live with my GF of 2+ years and since moving in with each other last year, our sex life has really suffered. We are still extremely physical and cuddly but she started to frequently refuse my more sexual advances. I soon just stopped trying to initiate sex spontaneously because being denied constantly was making me feel really sad and emasculated.” This perhaps also answers the question, why is sex important in a relationship?

Dr. Gor details a few such effects of lack of sex in marriage:

  • Easy irritability: Lack of regular sex in relationships can make people irritable. Such people tend to become angered easily
  • Anxiety: Not having sex in a relationship also means less ‘feel good’ hormones in your body, which leads to a heightened level of anxiety
  • Depression: Just as sex can lead to an ego boost, a significant lack of sex can lead to depression. Worse still, you may be burned under peer pressure to just have sex for the sake of it, without enjoying your intimate moments
  • Sexual dysfunction: Research has proved that infrequent sex is often associated with erectile dysfunction in men. Lack of sex in relationships can also make women fear painful intercourse when they do have sex after long intervals
  • Relationship problems: If the sexual dynamic between married couples is affected adversely, it may even lead the couple to divorce. After all, not fulfilling a partner’s sexual needs does amount to legitimate grounds for divorce
effects of lack of sex in marriage
The effects of lack of sex in marriage can be far-reaching

How To Deal With Lack Of Intimacy In A Relationship

Now that you have an answer to your burning question, how long is too long without sex in a relationship? You’re also aware of the ill effects of lack of sex in marriage and the pros of having sex regularly. Let’s address the next big concern: how does one deal with a lack of intimacy in relationship? 

Related Reading: Intimacy: Why It Is Important in Marriage and Relationships?

Since relationships are complex and unique, there is no fixed formula to address the issue of lack of affection, intimacy, or sexual desire. That said, according to Dr. Gor, there are a few ways that can prove effective in dealing with this issue in most situations. He recommends:

1. Find out the root cause and address it

On how to fix a lack of intimacy in relationships, Dr. Gor says, “It’s important to go through your partner’s detailed history to find out the cause of the ‘no sexual relationship’ situation. And then, one should treat any physical or psychological health issues related to it.” So, in such cases, make sure you note if there’s:

  • Fear of intimacy/sex or no desire for sex
  • A medical issue, such as erectile dysfunction, that’s affecting your sex life
  • Some past relationship trauma, such as sexual abuse or painful sex with an ex

2. Encourage open communication 

Dr. Gor advises, “Communication between partners is very important to resolve issues related to lack of sex in relationships.” Nobody knows you better than your partner in bed. So, open up and have a healthy discussion on what’s preventing the two of you from having sex. There’s no alternative to open communication.

Related Reading: Am I Sexually Compatible With My Fiancé?

3. Focus on emotional intimacy 

Often, the ‘no sexual relationship’ scenario is due to a lack of emotional intimacy. This could be due to various reasons such as work pressure or the burden of household chores and responsibilities. Dr. Gor says, “It’s crucial to address this lack of emotional closeness and focus on improving it if there’s no desire for sex in either partner.” This is one of the best ways to fix the lack of intimacy in relationships.

More on sex

4. Consult a certified sex therapist

Lastly, if all else fails, you should definitely consult a professional counselor or a certified sex therapist. After all, mental health is of prime importance, especially in such cases. Dr. Gor says, “Couples counseling and individual therapy can both work wonders in such cases.” And if you’re looking for help, Bonobology’s counseling services are at your disposal. 

Key Pointers

  • How long is too long without sex in a relationship? While there’s no definite answer, most happy couples have sex once a week
  • Younger couples have sexual intercourse about once a week, while older couples have sex once a month
  • Sex is important in a relationship because it improves sleep quality, it boosts immunity, and it intensifies emotional connection
  • The effects of not having sex in a relationship include irritability, depression, and relationship issues
  • To deal with a lack of intimacy in relationships, find out the root cause, encourage communication, and opt for couples counseling

For an average adult, sex isn’t the be-all-and-end-all in a relationship, but it’s definitely a major component of every healthy relationship. We hope we’ve been able to help you ascertain what makes for a healthy sex life. We also hope that after reading this article, you’re no longer searching for the answer to how long is too long without sex in a relationship and have found a solution to the eternal ‘no sexual relationship’ scenario.

Though our suggestions may work for the majority of couples, remember, at the end of the day, it’s you and your partner who decide what’s ‘perfectly normal’ in bed and what’s not. So, don’t be pressured to believe having sex a certain number of times will make your marriage perfect. Just like wanting sex isn’t bad, not wanting it doesn’t make you a villain either. And can a relationship survive without intimacy? Well, though sex is a necessity, a good marriage also depends on mutual trust, loyalty, and compatibility. So, go ahead and make the most of it.

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Am I Narcissistic or a Victim? Quiz

Have you ever questioned your own sanity after an argument with your partner? You might be confused whether it was you that caused the fight to escalate or them. Perhaps you even said some insulting things you’re not proud of. However, this is not necessarily a sign that you’re narcissistic. Narcissists often twist situations to make themselves appear blameless, leaving their victims feeling confused and questioning their own reality. This phenomenon, known as narcissistic trauma, can leave lasting emotional scars.

This quiz, developed by a therapist with a Master’s degree in psychology, can help you explore whether you might be exhibiting narcissistic tendencies or experiencing the damaging effects of being in a relationship with someone who does. The quiz delves into common characteristics of both narcissism and victims of narcissistic abuse symptoms.

Related Quiz: Is my husband a sociopath? Quiz

This quiz can be a powerful tool in understanding your situation and taking steps towards healing and healthy relationships.

Questions

  1. When faced with criticism or negative feedback, how do you typically respond?
    1. Reflect and consider
    2. Feel hurt but try to understand
    3. Dismiss or ignore it
  2. Do you often feel entitled to special treatment or privileges in your personal or professional relationships?
    1. No, i believe in equality
    2. Depends on the situation
    3. I expect others to cater to my needs
  3. How do you respond to conflict?
    1. Listen and try to find a compromise
    2. Blame myself and feel guilty
    3. Blame the other person
  4. Do you feel that others are intentionally trying to harm or undermine you?
    1. Yes, often
    2. Sometimes
    3. No
  5. How do you handle setbacks and failures in life?
    1. Feel bad but try to bounce back
    2. I spiral and feel ashamed of myself
    3. Blame others, or external circumstances
  6. Do you feel misunderstood by others?
    1. Not really
    2. I feel like nobody could understand me
    3. Sometimes
  7. Do you feel unappreciated or dismissed in your relationships?
    1. Rarely
    2. A few people don’t value me as much
    3. Nobody appreciates me for what I do
  8. Do you feel that others are exploiting or taking advantage of you?
    1. No
    2. If they are, I can draw clear boundaries
    3. Yes, I feel like people use me

Ask Our Expert

Why I can’t stop thinking about him?

James and I had a really strong relationship. We were together for five years and did everything together. We shared secrets, and made each other laugh. Whenever I was down, James was there to lift me up. We went on traveling adventures, watched movies, and just enjoyed each other’s company. But then, I found out James was cheating on me. It felt like my heart shattered into a million pieces. We had to break up because I couldn’t trust him anymore. Even though it’s over between us, why can’t I can’t stop thinking about him? Memories of our time together keep flooding back, and it’s hard to move on. I miss the good times we had, but I know I deserve better.

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Answer

It’s completely understandable that you’re struggling to move on after such a significant betrayal. Your relationship with James was deeply meaningful, filled with shared experiences, laughter, and support. The discovery of his infidelity has left you heartbroken and grappling with conflicting emotions.

It’s natural to find yourself reminiscing about the happy moments you shared together, even amidst the pain of betrayal. Memories have a way of resurfacing, especially when they’re tied to strong emotions and meaningful experiences.

However, it’s important to acknowledge that while those memories hold value, they’re just one part of the picture. The betrayal and loss you’ve experienced are also significant realities that deserve recognition.

Moving forward, focus on nurturing yourself and your own well-being. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the trust that was broken. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can offer comfort and understanding during this difficult time.

Remember that healing takes time, and it’s okay to take things one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the ups and downs of the healing process. Eventually, as you continue to prioritize your own happiness and self-care, you’ll find the strength to let go of the past and open yourself up to new possibilities for love and fulfillment.

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FAQs

1. how to get over someone you cant have?

The first and foremost step is building acceptance around the fact that you can’t have them. Without that acceptance, everything else you try will not get you the results you seek. A few things to keep in mind:

1. Not being wanted by someone does not define your worth, value or lovability. People’s choices have more to do with them than you. 
2. Limit contact with them. You won’t be able to move on if you continue to stay in constant contact. 
3. Focus on yourself. Make your life fuller, more satisfying and prove to yourself that your life is great with or without this person in it. 
4. Pour into building emotionally fulfilling connections in life which aren’t romantic in nature. We often expect a partner to fulfill all these needs of belongingness for us, but that is not a fair or realistic way of looking at it. 
5. Be careful not to idealize this person. Remember, they have flaws like anyone else. 
6. Be kind and patient with yourself. 
7. Celebrate any progress you make!

2. how to get over him when he has moved on?

It is going to take time, so be patient with yourself. And allow yourself to feel everything that is coming up for you. Don’t try to suppress or run away from any emotion, no matter how painful and unpleasant. Emotions demand to be felt and you will only be able to move on once you’ve processed them. 

Limit contact and build certain boundaries which protect your well-being. You know stalking their social media is only going to make you feel worse. There’s no easy way around this. You will have to resist the urge to reach out or stalk them, if you want to move on. 

Shift your focus inwards. Prioritize self care, especially when you don’t want to. That is when you need it most. Make your life richer and fuller, find sources of fulfillment, belongingness and satisfaction that don’t come from romantic relationships. 

Don’t shy away from seeking help and support as and when you need it. You don’t need to overcome everything by yourself.

3. why is no contact so hard?

No contact is difficult primarily due to the emotional attachment, being habituated or used to the presence of this person, hope for reconciliation and a fear of loneliness. 
The good news is that all of these fears and concerns can be worked through. In other words, the pain you experience from no contact is temporary and this will benefit you in the long run. 
Allow yourself to process all the emotions that come up, be kind and patient with yourself and remember why you’re doing this in the first place. It will get easier.

Ask Our Expert

Am I Married to the Right Person? Quiz

The “happily ever after” fairytale often glosses over the realities of marriage. While challenges are normal, having that constant feeling that you might be with the wrong person is cause of concern. This “am I married to the right person quiz,” developed by a relationship counselor, can help you gain clarity on your current marital situation. It will help you understand whether this is simply a rough patch in your marriage or whether it’s something deeper.

Have you ever wondered:

  • How do you know if you’re with the right person?
  • Is my partner truly the one for me?
  • Have things changed significantly after the wedding?
  • Should I stay married?

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Rather than letting these questions interrupt your every thought, take some time out to sit and introspect. Through these 10 questions, you’ll be able to reflect on the core values of your relationship. Answer as honestly as you can and gain valuable insights into whether you’ve truly found your forever partner or if it’s time to reassess your path.

Questions

  1. Do you feel emotionally supported and understood by your spouse?
  1. Yes
  2. Sometimes
  3. Never

2. Do you and your spouse share common values, goals, and priorities for the future?

  1. Yes
  2. Sometimes
  3. Never

3. Does your spouse actively listen to your concerns and respect your opinions?

  1. Yes
  2. Sometimes
  3. Never

4. Do you and your spouse communicate openly and effectively, especially during conflicts?

  1. Yes
  2. Sometimes
  3. Never

Related Quiz: What type of man is right for me?

5. Do you feel appreciated and valued by your spouse in your daily interactions?

  1. Yes
  2. Sometimes
  3. Never

6. Does your spouse prioritise spending quality time with you and nurturing your relationship?

  1. Yes
  2. Sometimes
  3. Never

7. Are you and your spouse sexually compatible and satisfied with your intimate relationship?

  1. Yes
  2. Sometimes
  3. Never

8. Does your spouse demonstrate mutual respect and equality in your relationship?

  1. Yes
  2. Sometimes
  3. Never

9. Do you feel emotionally fulfilled and happy in your marriage?

  1. Yes
  2. Sometimes
  3. Never

10. Can you envision a long-term future with your spouse, filled with mutual love, support, and growth?

  1. Yes
  2. Sometimes
  3. Never

Ask Our Expert

Is my boyfriend manipulative? Quiz

This manipulative relationship test, designed by a relationship counselor with a Master’s in Psychology, can help shed light on a crucial question: is my boyfriend manipulating me?

Do you ever find yourself questioning your own reality, feeling pressured to do things you’re uncomfortable with, or wondering if your boyfriend truly has your best interests at heart? If you feel like he constantly wants the upper hand, this is another sign he might be manipulative. Manipulation can be subtle and insidious, leaving you confused and unsure. This is why you need to identify it and act accordingly, otherwise you end up regretting staying.

Related Quiz: Is My Partner Cheating On Me? Quiz

Remember, a healthy relationship lifts you up, it doesn’t tear you down. This quiz can be a valuable tool in helping you recognize potential red flags and understand if your true happiness lies elsewhere.

Questions

  1. Does your boyfriend often make you feel guilty or responsible for his negative emotions or actions?
  • Rarely
  • Sometimes
  • Frequently

2. Does your boyfriend try to control or dictate your behaviour, actions, or decisions?

  • Rarely
  • Sometimes
  • Frequently

3. Does your boyfriend frequently use guilt-tripping or emotional manipulation to get what he wants?

  • Rarely
  • Sometimes
  • Frequently

4.  Does your boyfriend gaslight you or deny your perceptions, feelings, or experiences?

  • Rarely
  • Sometimes
  • Frequently

Related Quiz: Is my boyfriend controlling? Quiz

5. Does your boyfriend use threats, ultimatums, or intimidation to get his way?

  • Rarely
  • Sometimes
  • Frequently

6. Does your boyfriend isolate you from friends, family, or support networks?

  • Rarely
  • Sometimes
  • Frequently

7. Does your boyfriend manipulate or twist facts to make himself appear favorable or to undermine your credibility?

  • Rarely
  • Sometimes
  • Frequently

8. Do you often feel confused, anxious, or emotionally drained after interacting with your boyfriend?

  • Rarely
  • Sometimes
  • Frequently

Ask Our Expert

How to End an emotional affair and still be Friends?

I am in a complicated situation with Bharat, my friend for seven years. We have been very close as friends but recently, it turned into something more. Nothing physical ever happened but we had an emotional affair. Bharat has confided his deepest fears and dreams in me, we’ve shared intimate conversations about our innermost thoughts. We’re both married and we know it’s wrong. It’s best to go back just being friends because I know if we keep going, it will become more than just emotional. I don’t know how to go back after we’ve formed this intense bond. How can I approach Bharat about this without damaging our bond? I deeply respect Bharat and want our friendship to remain strong even after ending our affair. How can I handle this emotional affair that we have? Please help me.

Related Reading: We Couldn’t End Our Relationship Nor Do We See A Future Together…

Answer:

It’s unfortunate that you’re stuck in this emotionally complicated space. Please take the opportunity to be kind to yourself, and avoid beating yourself up for not reciprocating your friend’s feelings. Wanting to go back to being friends will be a delicate conversation, so keep the following in mind:

  1. Be careful of the place and time you choose. Ideally, something comfortable and safe for both of you, so that neither person feels blindsided.
  2. Don’t rush into having this conversation. Take the time to understand your feelings and reasons for wanting to end the attachment. While you don’t owe your friend a relationship, giving him your reasoning can be the closure he needs to get through this.
  3. There is a high possibility that this conversation will not be received well by your friend. Hold space for his emotions. Remember that both of your emotional experiences are valid and foster empathy for your friend.
  4. While this conversation could be hurtful to your friend, he still deserves to know the truth of how you feel. Avoid holding back the truth in order to protect his feelings. Honesty will be better for both of you in the long run.
  5. Reaffirm your friendship and the genuineness of the connection. All the trouble you’re willing to go through shows that you value this friendship. Make sure that gets conveyed to your friend.
  6. Give him the space he needs to process all this. It’s highly possible you will also need some time and self care after this conversation. There is going to be some awkwardness and emotional pain on both sides here, so it’s important that both of you get the space you need to recover.
  7. Even if the conversation goes well, it will take some time for things to go back to normal. Be patient with yourself and your friend. Continue to engage with the friendship and address any discomfort or issues as and when they arise.

There isn’t a sure way of having this conversation and taking your friendship to what it used to be, nor can there be any guarantees that your friendship will come out of this unscathed. Make sure you remain empathetic and respectful through this conversation, set realistic expectations going into it and remain kind to yourself throughout.

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Am I ready To get engaged? Quiz

Taking that next step in your relationship is exciting, but before popping the question, it’s important to be sure you’re truly ready to commit. Nobody can predict the future and tell you for certain whether getting engaged is a good idea. However, using her knowledge and expertise, relationship counsellor Dhriti Bhavsar, has created this ‘am I ready to get engaged?’ quiz to help guide you.

Through these 10 questions, you will assess how strong the pillars of your relationship are and whether they can handle the weight of a commitment as big as marriage. You’ll evaluate your conflict resolution, financial stability, emotional connection, and so much more.

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Take your time and answer honestly. There is no correct answer. The goal is to understand your own feelings and ensure you’re making the best decision for your future happiness.

Questions

1.How long have you been in your current relationship?

  1. Less than a year
  2. 1-2 years
  3. Over 2 years

2. How well do you communicate with your partner about important topics such as finances, future goals, and family?

  1. Very well
  2. Fairly well
  3. Poorly

3. Have you discussed your long-term goals and visions for the future with your partner?

  1. Yes
  2. Yes, but not in detail
  3. No

4. How well do you handle conflicts and disagreements with your partner?

  1. Very well
  2. Fairly well
  3. Poorly

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5. Are you financially stable and have a plan for your financial future?

  1. Yes
  2. I’m working towards it
  3. No

6. How do you feel about the idea of marriage and lifelong commitment?

  1. I’m excited
  2. I have some concerns
  3. I’m unsure

7.  Have you discussed your expectations and values regarding marriage with your partner?

  1. Yes
  2. Not in detail
  3. No

8. How well do you know your partner’s family and vice versa?

  1. Very well
  2. Somewhat
  3. Not at all

9.  Do you feel emotionally and mentally prepared to take on the responsibilities of marriage?

  1. Yes
  2. Somewhat
  3. No

10. How do you envision your future with your partner?

  1. I see a happy and fulfilling future
  2. I’m unsure
  3. I don’t see a future

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